Jude and Corban are at home now.

On Wednesday, February 16th, we went to the hospital to begin our full day of appointments only to find out that Jude and Corban had gone to be with Jesus.  It's kind of ironic that this was the day of appointments we had actually looked forward to because we thought we would finally have some answers about the boys. We were still given answers just not in the way that we had been expecting to find them out. I was not completely surprised to find out that they had passed away, I just had a feeling that it was going to be that day.

From the specialists office we were immediately moved to the labor and delivery floor at Barnes to decide what was going to happen next.  Friday I went in to have a procedure done to remove the babies that normally has very few complications in fact less than .5%, but I never pay much attention to statistics. My family seems to deny the odds when it comes to statistics about medical issues.  I mean we have conjoined twins... ( I read a statistic that you are actually more likely to get struck by lightening twice than meet a set of conjoined twins)

In the procedure the Doctors ended up perforating my cervix and bruising my colon,  and I was rushed to the O.R.  At the time the Doctors were actually unsure if it was my uterus or my cervix, and they thought they may have perforated my colon as well. I can't even imagine what my family was going through when the Doctors came in to tell them what was going on especially at that time the doctors didn't even know exactly what was wrong just that they needed to operate to find out. I was also awake in the operating room for all of this I had just been sedated and had a spinal for the first procedure so I knew something was wrong and no one would tell me what it was just that I had to be moved to the O.R. immediately. When I think about it, I realize I wasn't even really scared at that time. I just wanted them to fix whatever they had to, I don't think I realized how severe it all could have been.

I'm so glad my mom was there when the Doctors came in to tell them about the complications because when they said they needed to do surgery to check things out she asked if it was possible for them to do it laparoscopically, which they hadn't really even considered, because the specific doctors I had did not perform that surgery. They called down a doctor from the oncology department who was able to perform the surgery and see that there was no tearing in my colon. I am SO thankful that this Dr was available right when we needed him! 

After surgery I almost immediately started having more problems. I developed a high fever right away that pointed to an infection, but with tests they could not find where it was coming from. I also was having very low blood pressure and a really high heart rate. The craziest thing was that besides being able to tell when my temperature was going up or down I really did not feel bad. They started me on several antibiotics and different electrolytes right away and i started to improve. They still don't know where my infection came from, but as long as it's gone I'm pretty ok with that!

Right now everything is going well, I went back to the surgeon yesterday and was cleared to leave St. Louis, she was impressed at how quickly my body seems to be recovering and doesn't think we should have any more complications in the future with other pregnancies. We do have to wait longer than we would have liked to, to have more kids, but I'm sure that it is all in God's timing even when i don't like it.

As many complications that we had there were so many things that could have turned out much worse and I am so thankful that they didn't! I honestly feel blessed that things turned out the way they did. I know that might sound crazy with all the complications I had, but like I said it could have been SO much worse than it is! With each specific complication we had we ended up with the least bad outcome that we could have.

I miss my baby boys, but am so comforted to know that they are in heaven with their creator. They will not have to experience all of the pain, sorrow, grief, hate, and sin of this world and for that I am thankful!

Many people have asked if we are going to have a funeral or a memorial service. We have decided not to do this only because for us personally, even though this is a sad time in our life we would rather celebrate Jude and Corban. So, We are planning to have a time to celebrate them closer to when they were due, but we will let you all know more details about that as it is planned.

We love you all so much and have felt SO incredibly supported by everyone through out this journey. We know we could never repay you for your kind words, prayers, love and support, but we are praying that God would bless each of you because of the blessing you have been to us!

Jude and Corban's tiny, precious footprints.