The truth about being pregnant after losing a child.

There has been so much that has happened since the last time I updated this blog. Let's just start with the biggest news...

   We are waiting on the arrival of a new baby girl, Charlotte Hope!! She is supposed to be coming sometime around June 11th( hopefully a little earlier) Only about 7 weeks left! We found out in late October we were expecting again and were so thrilled but also so anxious to make sure that everything was going ok.

    For those of you who have lost babies or had scary pregnancies you know that one of the most awful things that comes after that experience is that it kind of ruins later pregnancies. Unlike when I was pregnant with Adalena and blissfully ignorant to all the scary parts of pregnancy I am now so very aware of all the things that can go wrong. It is especially hard in the beginning of a pregnancy when you can't see details on ultrasounds and things to be reassured that your baby is indeed healthy. 

   I am so thankful to have a Doctor who is extremely understanding and caring and who was willing to literally get me in the day I found out I was pregnant to start monitoring my hormone levels. Then schedule things like very, early ultrasounds to help ease my mind. I honestly think I would have flipped out if I had to wait until at least 8 weeks like most doctors require you to before they will even see you. After reaching the big midterm ultrasound and being able to see so much more detail about our baby and how she was growing and developing just like she should be I was much more calm about things than before. I thought I was done with the anxiety surrounding this pregnancy. 

    About 2 weeks ago I began to realize how close we were getting to the end of this pregnancy and the anxiety all started to come back. Now not about my baby being so healthy, but about all sorts of problems that could go wrong in delivery. I think this comes from the fact that I have only really been admitted to the hospital 2 times. First when Adalena was born where everything was about as simple as it could be and then second when I had lost the boys and everything went exactly opposite of how it should have. I also know that because of my complications with surgery from the twins I may not be able to have more children after this which has been quite a reality shock because I've always wanted a big family. I have been slowly overcoming this with God's help and lots of prayer and trust in Him but it's not easy.